Category Archives: Communication

Interviews over there

My latest interview at tompeters.com with Ed Schein, author of Helping: How to Offer, Give and Receive Help. Understanding Effective Dynamics in One-to-One, Group and Organizational Relationships.

Challenging fund raising

Once you sign up to ride in the Pan Mass Challenge, there are two things you’ve got to do: ride your bike a lot and raise money. For folks who are doing the two-day ride, they must raise a minimum of $4200. (If you raise less than that, the balance comes out of your credit card.) I’ve always managed to raise more than the minimum (knock on wood) but this year, given the economic state of the world, it figured to be harder to raise the same amount of money I raised last year.

Instead of sending out an email blast to my whole network that begins “Dear Friends,” I went the more personal route and sent the email individually to all my friends and colleagues. That was time consuming. (In fact I’m still sending out emails.) The thinking being that a more personal outreach would result in a higher percentage of donations. As to the percentage increase or decrease in donations, I don’t have the answer to that yet.

But one thing I do have the answer to is that, surprisingly, fewer people responded to me via email–just to say hello or whatever–when I sent out the individual emails. Meaning what? It was easier for people to say hi to me when I had included them in an impersonal mass emailing? This one baffles me. Unless it’s that people aren’t going to send money so they don’t want to start a conversation with me. Not sure. But one of the surprises of this fund-raising season.

A cautionary twitter-tale

There seem to be a number of lessons to be learned from the Alice Hoffman Twitter meltdown episode. First there was the Gawker accounting of her tweets about a bad review in the Boston Globe. Then later in the day she apologizes, or, tries to apologize. It was no apology at all. Turns out I was interviewing John Kador yesterday morning, author of Effective Apology. This guy knows a thing or two about apologizing. He’s got a list of Apology Do’s and Don’ts at the end of his book. Number 1 on the list? “Don’t include Ifs or Buts.” He goes on to write:

The word “if” is the nastiest qualifier in the context of apology. It always reduces the effectiveness of the apology. The word “if” makes the offense conditional; it says the offense may or may not have happened, that it depends more on the sensibilities of the victim than on the the responsibility of the apologizer. This is infuriating for the victim, for whom the offense is very real. (p. 203-204, Effective Apology)

Here’s part of Alice Hoffman’s apology:

I’m sorry if I offended anyone. Reviewers are entitled to their opinions and that’s the name of the game in publishing. I hope my readers understand that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone and I’m truly sorry if I did. (emphasis added)

Not once, but twice she includes the ‘if’ qualifier. Obviously she didn’t want to apologize and, in effect, she has not apologized. But oh well. She had already shut down her Twitter account by then. (Will she set up a new account under an alias?)

But a couple of other things and then I’ll let this go. She starts off by calling the reviewer, Roberta Silman, a ‘moron.’ An adult ought to know by now that this is no way to get anyone on your side. Sure, we all call people morons all the time. Within earshot of a few friends, perhaps. But we don’t put it into writing for the world to see. (Remember that anything digital these days can go universal in a nanosecond.) She doesn’t bother to google the reviewer to learn anything about her. She laments the fact that writers used to review writers, not realizing that Ms Silman is a writer herself. Then Ms Hoffman published the phone number of the reviewer, hoping that her fans would call and berate Ms Silman? Well, that wasn’t likely to happen since the slighted author tweeted the wrong phone number. Even if you’re angry, you’ve got to get your facts right.

Lessons:

  • Do your homework. Before you attack, know who you’re attacking. Get the facts right, otherwise you look like you don’t care. You look sloppy. No one wants to get on board with a sloppy person.
  • Learn how to apologize properly. The fact is the offense is rarely the long-lasting issue. It’s how you respond to the problem that is the issue. An actual, real, “I’m sorry” without a qualifier would have gone a long way towards helping Ms Hoffman.
  • Then there’s always the longstanding, “Count to ten…”

Trying to tell the/your story

A friend sent along this link to Ira Glass of National Public Radio’s “This American Life” talking about the early days of his career and how he had to work through all the horrible, sucky stuff he had to do. Working through what is not necessarily great work. He sits there and critiques (what was I talking about?!) a radio show from his early days. The point is it takes a long time–maybe forever?–to figure out how to tell the stories you want to tell. And inasmuch as this is aimed at a ‘creative’ audience, writers, radio people, reporters, anyone trying to tell their own or someone else’s story, I think it also applies to everyone–everyone! Because one big part of our common humanity is the need to tell stories. That’s what we do all the time. All the time. You get together with a friend and say, “I have to tell you what happened to me this morning!” You’re telling your story. But you don’t think twice about it when you’re telling it. We are speakers. Talk comes naturally to us. To then turn around and try to write that story is for some reason, an entirely different animal. Weird.

And then I see this review of Paul Auster’s latest book, Man in the Dark, in The New Yorker. The final line reads: “The narrative juxtapositions and the riddling starkness of Auster’s prose create an absorbing if mildly scattershot effect, breathing life into a meditation on the difference between the stories we want to tell and the stories we end up telling.”

Why do these things pop out at me now? And connect? I suppose it’s that I’m working with a friend who is trying to tell his story. A piece of his story. But he’s run up against that issue of, “When I tell this story to friends at dinner, it’s always interesting and amusing and unless they’re lying, they say it’s a compelling story, but when I try to write it down, it doesn’t sound like me and I don’t even want to re-read it.” That age-old dilemma. We are story tellers as speakers. Talking is natural. But writing is not. And for some reason (that 8th-grade English teacher?), people get totally constipated about writing their stories. Perhaps it’s just that gap between the oral and the written. Or perhaps it’s just the fact that it takes a lot of practice to make that written story sound as good as the spoken one. Perhaps it’s that we’ve been talking longer than we’ve been writing. Or maybe we spend a lot of time actually thinking about how we’re going to talk our stories. I know that I might have some experience and before I actually tell anyone about it, I might think about how I’m going to describe what I experienced; try to find the right words in my mind that will convey what happened. And perhaps we all do that; perhaps our training as speakers is so innate, so ‘within us’ that we don’t think about the oral practice that we do all the time.

Publishers and agents

The only reason I still have a dedicated fax line in my home office is because I work with publishers on occasion. They send contracts as faxes. Apparently they’re not familiar with PDFs.

And just now I was trying to track down a literary agent in New York. Found his website, and here’s what it says: “This site is under construction and will launch summer 2006.” (Today’s date is November 1, 2006. Summer long gone.) Clearly no one is paying attention to this unborn site. And that says a lot about the company itself.

Rocket crashes and English language suffers

A rocket crashes in the desert, bringing back to earth cremated humans who had hoped to spend eternity floating around the earth. Ah well. As the article claims, their form wasn’t much changed in the crash. But the language suffered instead! This is how the mission director described what happened: “Because of an unexpected aerodynamic effect, the vehicle was short of its effected range.”

Guess what? It IS your fault!

I had mentioned in a post a while back that I was thinking about that phrase, “It’s not my fault.” The worst thing anyone in the world can say, as far as I’m concerned. And I wasn’t sure where I was going with this until William Swanson, CEO of Raytheon came along. He is the guy who’s not getting as much press coverage for his plagiarism as is Kaavya Viswanathan, the young Harvard student accused of plagiarizing in her chick-lit book. (Note: I just read in today’s NYTimes that her publisher, LIttle, Brown, will not now re-issue her book with revisions to those plagiarized parts. It won’t be published at all.)

According to an article by David Leonhardt in today’s NYTimes, the writer notes that Mr. Swanson–unlike Ms Viswanathan–had never apologized for his transgression. Mr. Leonhardt writes:

I pointed this out to Raytheon’s top spokeswoman this week, and last night she called me to read a new statement from Mr. Swanson. This time, he did apologize — twice — and he blamed a staff member for the problem. [Note: this new statement does not appear at the Raytheon website.]

In 2001, Mr. Swanson gave the staff member a file of material to help prepare a presentation, and the file included Mr. King’s book, according to the statement. Mr. Swanson didn’t realize that so much of the finished product came from the book, rather than his own notes.

This may well be true, but it certainly isn’t consistent with Mr. Swanson’s previous boasts about how he came up with the rules. In the book, he wrote that they had come from advice from others and his own thoughts. In any event, he has failed his own integrity test. ” ‘Integrity,’ to me,” he writes, “is having the fortitude to do what is right when no one is watching.”

So, yeah, when things start to go bad and people start pointing out inconsistencies in your story, blame the assistant! It works every time. How can you take this guy Swanson seriously anymore? He gives this un-named assistant a pile of notes (including the copied-from book by W.J. King) and then is surprised–surprised!–to learn that so many of his own–his own!–lessons came from this book. Baaaad assistant. It’s not Mr. Swanson’s fault. His name may be on this collection of “Swanson’s Unwritten Rules of Management,” but apparently that doesn’t require him to actually concern himself with where they came from. Oh well.

But why? Why blame the assistant? Why doesn’t Mr. Swanson just own up to the fact that he made a mistake? He asked someone to do a job he should have done himself. If he didn’t have the time to put together his own rules, he shouldn’t have been handing out this collection with his name on it.

Well, you say, so many books are not written by the person whose name is on the cover, anyway. I know that. I used to work in the ghostwriting business and I’m aware of how many books are not written by the listed author. (That’s one reason I’m a close reader of acknowledgments, since that is where the author or authors are revealed, at least if the “author” has any shame whatsoever. )

But if Swanson had actually written his own notes and had any familiarity with the W.J. King book and if he had bothered to read his own finished product, wouldn’t he have wondered where all of his own material had gone?

It’s not his fault, I guess. His name is on it, but it’s not his fault that it’s comprised mostly of someone else’s words. I’ve got to wonder about all those Raytheon employees today who are held to those corporate values and how they feel about the fact that their CEO, their leader, doesn’t have to comply with them. How many other people are going to be saying today, when something goes wrong, “It’s not my fault.”

Don’t prepare, just show up

The title of this post is the subtitle of a book called Improv Wisdom: Don’t Prepare, Just Show Up, written by Patricia Ryan Madson. I really like this book. It’s a series of maxims about how to live your life using the lessons of improvisational theater. I had the pleasure of interviewing Patricia for the Cool Friend section at tompeters.com. In the book, she writes about substituting attention for preparation. Applying this concept to speech giving, for instance, she writes, “Real speech (improvised speech) will always be more interesting, attention-getting, and persuasive than its scripted sister.” She goes on to offer some guidance in how to give a compelling talk:

You can improve how you give a lecture by using he principle of improvised speech. Instead of writing out your notes in precise language, try writing questions to yourself. Then, answer the question using natural speech patterns.

I was reminded of this the other day when reading an interview in the latest Worthwhile magazine with Garrison Keillor. (Interview not yet online.) Though he’s talking about people in pulpits on Sunday mornings, I think what he says applies to all of us:

I think that people who speak in public make a terrible mistake in putting paper in front of themselves. So many good people stand in a pulpit on Sunday morning and they pull out this little sheet of paper and they read from it. What they wrote down was just a start and if they were to trust themselves a little more they could have done so much better.

Amen.

Cross-stitch coincidence?

The April masthead at Dooce.com is a cross-stitched “Go Dooce Yourself.” Dooce has also pointed at a website for subversive cross-stitching. Also noticed in this past Sunday’s NYTimes magazine that the title to William Safire’s column was War Names and those two words were presented in cross-stitch. Mere coincidence?

Warnames_nytimes_mod

Unfortunately when you view the article online, the cross stitched “War Names” is now just normal text, no cross-stitching available.

Seatbelts save lives (the rider does not stop)

Okay, once more back to the four-day drive from Austin to Boston with my dad. While I was scouring the owner’s manual to find out how many gallons the gas tank held, I came across these visuals depicting how seat belts work. What got me, though, are the images themselves. They’re not photos. They’re drawn, but not even drawn as good comics. I can’t quite get why they look like they do. They look like a 5th grader drew them is what they look like. And the look of the images (oddly comical) is at odds with the message: if you don’t wear your seat belt, you continue moving when the car stops.

Safetybelts1.JPG

Safetybelts2.JPG

Comical, yes, but it doesn’t mean to be. And not only that, but there aren’t any other images in this whole owner’s manual that look anything like these images. I’m wondering if the people who put this booklet together stole these images from somewhere else.